Hard Conversation Regarding Elder Care

Elderly Mom & Dad Pulling Hair Out Over Quarrelsome Adult Children.

Elderly Mom & Dad are very stressed because their middle- aged children cannot get along. They are always “tattling” on one another just as they did when they were little kids. Mom and Dad feel like they live in the middle of a war zone. Will there ever be any peace?

What will Mom and Dad say to their children? How will they start the conversation?

Not Fair That Mom & Dad Support One Sibling!

Elderly Mom and Dad are still supporting one of their children who never earns enough to pay her bills. You are the sibling. You don’t think it is right or fair for Mom & Dad to continue to support her.

Dad Should NOT be driving!

Dad just crashed his car. Luckily, no one was hurt. He is a hazard on the road. You are fearful for him and others on the road. You think it is time for him to give up driving.

Mom is No Longer Taking Care of Herself

Mom is a very private person and does not want any help in the house. However, she is not preparing  meals, or cleaning any more. Her environment is unsafe and her health is deteriorating because of poor nutrition. You live several hours away.

Elderly Mom is Hoarding Bills and Mail

PG&E just notified you that Mom has not paid her utility bill for two months. When you ask Mom about her bills, she says everything is “all taken care of”. You see mail all over the place when you visit. Envelopes are stuck in books, intermingled with the newspaper, and tossed into a dusty pile on the dresser.

Elderly Dad Not Taking His Meds Under Care of Sibling

One of your siblings is living with 90 year old Dad and theoretically caring for him, but is doing an inadequate job. You and the other siblings live many hours away. Dad always says “everything is OK”…but when you visit you see that he is not taking his meds regularly, and he is not supervised when he goes out on his property. He is unsteady on his feet and has had several TIAs.

Parents Home in Serious Disrepair. No cash or family time available to fix it.

Mom and Dad still live in the house where you grew up. It is a much bigger space than they need to be comfortable. As you were growing up, they always did their own maintenance, but are unable to manage now. They do not have the funds to pay someone to do the maintenance. Your brother lives near-by, but he is very busy with his family and his job. He doesn’t have enough time to do anything more than the most critical fix-it jobs.  All of Mom and Dad’s assets are in their house.