Build it and maintain it—trust is the mother of love. Trust helps us feel safe. Trust is what allows us to open up our vulnerable side. It is what families want to be all about. Intentional trust building should start today! Your family is never “too young” or “too old” to work on trust building.

Trust may be in short supply. Family history and child rearing methods of prior generations may have fostered distrust between siblings. Competition among siblings is common. Although it might not be the easiest time, it is a crucial time to build trust among family members. How is that done?

Here are a few simple steps that, if followed, will help to build trust:

• Always assume positive intent on the part of another. Although you may not understand or agree with their perspective, if you assume positive intent, you can be curious rather than judgmental. This orientation will help keep the doors of communication open.
• Listen first.
• Acknowledge each others’ contributions.
• Work collaboratively.
• Create a shared vision of how you will work together.
• Be responsible for your own actions and attitudes. Ensure that there is no space for blaming.
• Create transparency by communicating clearly and thoroughly.

This last point is crucial and needs elaboration. Transparency builds trust. Everyone wants to “be in the know”. There is a human need to “be in the loop”—to be an insider. Being an outsider creates mistrust and dissension. Transparency provides a clear view for everybody regarding everything that is taking place in the estate settlement process. There are no secrets. During the process many questions come up. Trustees are rarely experienced in the process and can feel intimidated by all the details.

The challenge is to clearly communicate the process or the questions to all involved parties. Communication is best done often and in small, organized doses. The advent of telephone conferencing and email has greatly enhanced this process.

When a parent is still living, but no longer capable of taking care of all of life’s details, it is time to shift the responsibility to the G2. Usually this happens gradually. Siblings’ transparency regarding each care activity in which they are involved will help create cohesiveness in the group.

Transparency also brings up vulnerabilities. A family who has learned not to be judgmental of one another has a much easier time of creating a workable team. There will be differences of opinion in the group. Expect that! Transparency calls upon each family member to grow their communication skills.

1. Identify the Parties Involved
2. Begin The Conversation
3. Build Trust
4. Competency of Trustee & Advisors
5. Element Five: Design Your Alliance for Family Meetings
6. Build A Team
7. Meet Regularly
8. Plan Fun into the Process
Conclusion